Yes, i am serious!

For awhile I have been tossing around the idea of composing a blog post about my run-ins at work. I think now is the time to write that post. I hope you find it as amusing and infuriating as I do:

- i'm amazed at how many women have prostate problems. It seems to be that a large number of sleep deprived females complain about this.

- when a pediatric patient asked her mother to use the restroom during the evening, the mother replied, " Squeeze your ass cheeks together and close your eyes!"

- one patient found it remarkable that her and I had so much in common. I had to burst her bubble. I told her that I agree with all if the patients regardless of the topic. If you like murder, then ill like it too!

- one night I found the urge to answer as many questions as I could with one word replies. (Many consecutive nights on overnight shift cause me to think of strange ideas). I did this quite naturally until the patients began talking to me slower and louder. I suppose I was mistaken for being mentally retarded...or maybe they weren't mistaken?

- one well known local physician, highly highly respected, argued with me that one particular patients neck size was 45 inches. Keep in mind that the measurement had both cm and inches on opposites sides of the measure. But godly physicians always win their arguments.

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That's enough to get me started. If anyone enjoyed this, then ill make these posts regularly. All of the above happened in a single week.

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Motorcycle Mishap Leaves Two Sore (For Life)

Callensburg, PA - Two persons sustained minor injuries from a traffic mishap, in Clarion County. Police say that residents Jack Best and Carol Best were treated for personal embarrasment and a blunt trauma to their pride. Oh, and Jack Best may have sustained a crack rib or two or three. Carol Best, it was later said, had a broken foot, unbroken foot, broken foot, and unbroken foot in the matter of a few days.  Jack Best had been operating a motorcycle on Route 368 (Main Street). Upon turning into his driveway, the operator lost control of the bike and "laid it" down on its side. Both passengers were thrown from the bike and remain sore to this day. Carol Best was quoted saying, "This is going to be a long recovery!"

Unfortunately, her family will never let her recover from this. :)

You know .... it's funny in an ill kind of way.

Over the past several weeks I have been given more advice than I have been given during the past 3 decades. I've heard from people that, unfortunately, have experience, have no experience, have experienced it multiple times, and will never in this life experience it. Whew! I am sweating after all that.

Some of the peanut gallery comments make much sense, but it is baffling how cavalier some people can get when they advise on situations that are outside of their happily-ever-after lives.

It is ironic, those who should probably be speaking the least about things are speaking most. Its no real surprise. I've learned to funnel out a lot of junk from my life; however I get tripped up on occasion. These falls onto my face almost always set me up to walk backwards. And I walk until I realize the sucker I've become.

These reality checks hurt for a few reasons : a- there are actually people out there that could care less about my happiness. They meddle just to meddle. And b- hot damn! I'm not nearly as smart as I thought I was. :)

My life, as most, is an ongoing experiment. And it will never cease to amaze me the willingness of others to give you loads of advice for their own desire to feel good about themselves. Who would think ... a society that gives advice simply for their own personal gratification. Amazing.

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We wear the same size.

Boy, life has changed quite a bit for me in the past 30 days. Heck, things began changing months ago; however it wasn't until a few weeks ago when I leapt over the edge and forever changed my life.

Fast forward and a few days during the week my daughter finds herself a kid in a candy store, minus the candy. Shes quite the explorer, which means that I have to find every ounce of patience to try and keep from dragging her from one end of the place to the other. Now, this could be worse...of course it could. But with that in mind, its bad enough.

For those wondering if I am setting the table for my own pity party...ummm yes I am. This new found carnival land is small. How small? I could probably stand in the center of the apartment, pee and spray any of the walls. Yup.  That is not ordinarily an issue, but my apartment gives adage to the phrase.... 10 pounds of crud in a 5 pound bag. This is the perfect scenario for a roaming 15 month old girl.

She reminds me of those cartoon animations where you can barely make out the motion of their legs. When you set her down onto the ground, she is zipping for some place to find something that she is NOT allowed to touch. So, what is the problem? Well, she feels as though she IS allowed to touch everything. Of course, she bought it all, she is the reason that I have all of these "wonderful" things, and she knows what exactly is best for her safety. Plus, she doesn't listen well, yet.

So, I thought that I might recap a day-in-the-life on my day off:

Don't touch... Emmaline...No...Please don't.... No... I asked you not to.... C'mon... Please? No no. You can't have that... Oh... Don't touch that.... Hey, dont eat that.... What was that... did you swallow it? Don't eat things off of the floor! .... Naptime.

No...No... Don't push those buttons. You cant play with that.... Emmaline! No!! I already asked you not to touch that.... Hey don't turn the tv off.... Please stop turning the TV off... Did you just eat something off of the floor again? I just swept in here! ...

Lunch... followed by more of me asking her and trying to show her how to NOT touch the buttons on the television...or how to NOT stick her hand into the toilet. This is all followed by a possible nap. Then dinner. Then bed.

I guess that I am only preaching to those who have been through it already. I get it. I am not the only one, but right now I am the only one of my friends/family going through it and that counts for something, right?

You know, you never want your kids to grow up too quickly, but I am desperately awaiting the day when we can play games and not have to worry about one of us choking to death on a game piece. I am waiting on the day when she is not quite so fearless. I am waiting for the day when I feel like I am making a difference in her life.

In any event, I am not about to stop trying and doing my best. Its a long bumpy road, but its fun. The love that I have for this little monster is beyond what I thought was possible and yet i'm human. She can drive me nuts!

I can't wait for next weekend!    :)

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